Lost without you
by Prairie Flower
Summary: Imagine Laura and the other students couldn't beat bully boy Bart Slater, Eliza Jane had to leave Walnut Grove and Almanzo decided to go with her. Will Laura and Almanzo ever meet again?
1. Chapter 1

Lost without you

Almanzo left the house slowly, carrying a box with beautiful dishes. Carefully he placed it next to the other boxes and glanced over the fully loaded wagon. Today was his last day in Walnut Grove and tomorrow morning he would start into a new future, an unknown future which frightened him. Just a few days ago his sister Eliza Jane had lost the battle against Bart Slater. Usually she got along with her students very well, but this boy had misbehaved every day. His family was wealthy and prestigious, and so he didn't care about his manners. He had used every chance to start trouble at school, and he had humiliated Eliza Jane as often as he could. The teacher felt ashamed about her failure and all she wanted was leaving Walnut Grove as soon as possible. She had asked Almanzo to go with her, and he had agreed reluctantly. She was his sister, and he felt he had to stand by her side. He couldn't leave her all alone.

It was June and at that time of the year the weather was usually warm and sunny, but today huge clouds darkened the sky. Almanzo glanced over the land wistfully, not ready to leave the place he had called home during the last ten months. After buying the farm, he had started with big ambitions. He loved working in the fields, and raising his own crops was one of his biggest dreams. He wanted to breed his own horses. Being a farmer was all he ever wanted to be, but now he had to give up all his plans. All the work he had invested was for nothing.

Of course, Eliza Jane had realized that Almanzo felt awfully bad, and so she tried to cheer him up every day. She reassured him that he was still very young and that he had plenty of time to start over again. She tried to convince him that moving away would be a great adventure, a chance to gain new experiences and an interesting change in his life, but deep in his heart he wished he could stay. There was a strange feeling inside him. Like an inner voice which told him that moving away was wrong. That it was a mistake. That for some reason Walnut Grove was the place where he belonged to, but he couldn't figure out why. Almanzo shook his head and glanced over the land again. He knew it was too late to worry. He had made a promise to his sister, and he would keep it.

At the same time, in the little house at Plum Creek, Laura was busy with packing some oatmeal cookies into a paper bag. Her hands were shaking slightly, and she was fighting against the tears in her eyes. During the last days Laura had avoided Almanzo. She had dreaded to say goodbye to him, because she was still hoping that something unpredictable would happen and let him stay. She wished so much that he would change his opinion, but it seemed that all her prayers hadn't helped. She had to face the truth. Almanzo would leave Walnut Grove and it wasn't sure if they would ever meet again.

The pain in Laura's heart was almost unbearable. During the last days she had cried more than during her whole childhood. She couldn't sleep and eat anymore. She wished so much she could tell Almanzo how much she loved him, but she knew this was impossible. It would be inappropriate, and she was too afraid of his reaction, but one thing was for sure: She couldn't let him go without a word. Today was her last chance to say goodbye to the man she loved more than anyone else in this world, and she would brace up for bringing him the cookies and wishing him all the best for his future.

Laura grabbed the bag with the cookies and left the house, heading towards Almanzo's home. All she could do was thinking about him, but she had no idea how to say goodbye. She felt empty and lost. With every step she took, she became more insecure and when the Wilder's place finally came into sight, her heart started racing, and she was on the verge of fainting.

Almanzo was still loading the wagon, when he suddenly caught sight of a person walking down the hill and heading towards him. He needed a moment to realize, but when he noticed the red dress and the long brown hair, he knew who wanted to pay him a visit. "Beth," he whispered to himself. Almanzo could feel sweat forming on his forehead. Somehow he had expected to see her today, but he wasn't ready to say goodbye to his favorite girl. Even after all these months, he still wasn't sure what to think about her. Or what she meant to him. Every time they met, he enjoyed her company. She shared his dreams and made him smile, but she also scared him. Whenever he looked into her eyes, something happened to him, but he couldn't explain. He didn't understand himself. All he knew was that she was special. The nearer Laura came, the more nervous Almanzo got. When she finally stood in front of him, he swallowed hard.

"Hi Manly," Laura greeted him silently.

"Hi Beth," Almanzo replied.

" You're still busy, huh?" she glanced over the fully loaded wagon.

"Yeah, but I'm almost finished," he answered.

Laura stared to the ground, fumbling with her fingers. All she wanted was looking into Almanzo's sparkling blue eyes and pleading him to stay, but she couldn't do that. She was too afraid.

Almanzo felt strange. Talking to Laura had never been a problem, but today he was searching for the right words.

"Have you sold the farm?" she broke the silence and raised her head to look at him.

"No, not yet," he stared into the sky to avoid her gaze. "Mr. Oleson will keep an eye on this place, and he will help to find a new owner."

"And where will you go?" Laura blurted out. Although she was afraid of his answer, she had still hope that he would stay somewhere nearby.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know," Almanzo admitted. "Eliza Jane and I will stay with our folks in Spring Valley for a while, but we have no further plans so far."

"Oh," was all Laura could answer and then there was silence again.

"What's that?" Almanzo suddenly pointed at the paper bag in Laura's hand to change the topic.

"Oh," Laura almost forgot about the cookies. "I thought you might like some cookies for your trip."

"That's really nice," Almanzo thanked her.

Laura offered Almanzo the paper bag with the cookies. When he tried to grab it, their hands touched. The cookies fell to the ground, but they both didn't care. He looked into her eyes, knowing that she was as sad as he was. Laura couldn't hide her feelings any longer. She fell into his arms and tears started running down her cheeks. She feared his reaction, but there was no need to be afraid. He put his arms around her, holding her close and for a moment it wasn't important that she was still a young girl, and he a grown up man. All they wished was staying like this forever.

"I will miss you, Manly," Laura whispered.

"I will miss you too, Beth," Almanzo placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Goodbye," he whispered and swallowed down the lump in his throat.

"Goodbye," Laura replied with a tearful voice, before she left his arms, turned around and started running away. She sprinted up the hill as fast as she could, her long hair blowing in the wind and tears streaming down her face. Her lungs started aching, and she could barely breathe anymore, but she continued running until she stumbled over a root and fell into the grass, crying her eyes out for hours.

Almanzo felt like numbed. He watched Laura running up the hill and gazed after her until he couldn't see her anymore. He bent down and picked up the paper bag with the cookies. While glancing over the hill again, the sun started breaking through the clouds. Almanzo wiped the moisture out of his eyes, reassuring himself that it was just the glaring sunlight which caused the tears...


	2. Chapter 2

When Laura arrived at home, it was almost dark outside. Slowly she opened the door, ready to accept a scolding for being late, but all she could see was her mother sitting in the rocking chair.

"Oh Laura," Caroline got up and headed towards her daughter, a wave of relief washing over her.

"Oh Ma," Laura ran right into her mother's arms and started sobbing.

"I'm so glad that you're home," Caroline kissed her daughter's forehead. "Your Pa is still looking for you, but I suppose he'll be back soon."

"I'm sorry," Laura whimpered.

"It's all right," Caroline said softly, holding Laura close in her arms.

Laura wanted to say something, but the words didn't come. She wanted to explain her mother, but she was unable to speak.

"Your brother and your sisters are already sleeping," Caroline said silently. "Maybe we can go outside for a little walk," she suggested.

Laura nodded and grabbed the handkerchief her mother was reaching over to her. She tried to wipe the tears away, but it seemed hopeless. She couldn't stop crying.

Caroline put her arm around Laura's shoulders and together they went outside slowly. "It's not very warm for this time of the year," Caroline inhaled the fresh night air.

Laura still couldn't speak. The pain she felt was almost unbearable. She walked next to her mother in silence until they reached the creek and both sat down for a while.

When Caroline looked at Laura, her heart felt heavy. Even in the darkness she could notice her swollen eyes and her tear-streaked face. Her daughter had been heartbroken many times before, but it had never been that bad. It seemed that Laura's world just caved in and for the first time in years Caroline was afraid to say something wrong and hurt her daughter even more. She glanced over the creek, not sure what to do. Carefully, she started stroking Laura's long hair. "Have you seen Almanzo?" Caroline suddenly broke the silence.

"Yes," Laura nodded. She tried to fight the tears, but hearing his name felt as if somebody stabbed a knife right into her heart.

"Have you said goodbye to each other?" Caroline wanted to know.

"Yes," Laura wept bitterly. "He'll leave tomorrow and I wanna die. I really wanna die," she buried her face in her hands.

"I know Laura, but...," Caroline's voice broke. How could she comfort her daughter? What could she tell her? Desperately, she was searching for the right words.

"I love Manly. I love him so much," Laura continued crying. Her feelings for him were so strong that the thought of losing him was unbearable.

"I know," Caroline pulled Laura into her arms.

"Oh Ma, I'm so afraid I won't see him again," Laura sobbed.

"Well," Caroline started, "if you two are really meant to be together, you will." She rocked her daughter gently in her arms like she had always done so many years ago when Laura still had been a baby.

"But how?" Laura asked desperately.

"I don't know, Laura. All I know is, if you two are really meant to be together, you will see each other again. Someday... Somewhere...," Caroline tried to comfort her daughter.

"But Manly doesn't know where to go. Maybe he'll find a new home far away from Walnut Grove. Maybe he'll meet a woman there and get married before I'm old enough to be with him," Laura admitted her biggest fear. "Maybe he..."

"Maybe he will be back in Walnut Grove one day," Caroline interrupted Laura and wiped her daughter's tears away.

"But Ma...," Laura protested.

"Laura, you must have faith," Caroline caressed her daughter's cheek.

"Faith?" Laura asked puzzled.

"Yes, faith," Caroline said softly. "God has a plan for you, Laura. He has a plan for all of us. Sometimes we don't understand, but you should trust him. He will show you the way."

"But it hurts so much," Laura said with a tearful voice.

"I know, but one day the pain will be over and you will be married happily to a wonderful man who will love you as much as you will love him," Caroline smiled.

"I hope it will be Almanzo," Laura dried her tears with a handkerchief.

"I hope so too," Caroline was relieved that her daughter had stopped crying. Slowly she got up and grabbed Laura's hand. "It's getting late. I think we better go inside."

Laura got up and followed Caroline into the house. Even though she had no idea how to go on with life, she was grateful for her mother's words. "Ma?" Laura asked.

"Yes, dear?" Caroline replied.

"I love you so much," Laura hugged her mother.

"I love you too," Caroline smiled and kissed her daughter goodnight.

Laura climbed up into the loft, pulled over her nightgown and went to bed. Downstairs the door was creaking. Laura heard her mother talking to her father, but she couldn't understand a word. She still felt like crying, but she was so weak that she fell asleep immediately.

After the weekend, Laura had to go back to school. The school year was almost over, only two more weeks were left. Unfortunately Harriet Oleson had decided to teach the class until the town would find a new teacher. Of course, Laura was still sad and heartbroken, but she was also angry. Very angry. She hated Bartholomew Slater for what he had done to Miss Wilder, and she hated Harriet Oleson for defending this horrible boy, but there was no help. She had to accept Mrs. Oleson as her new teacher and Bartholomew as her classmate.

The whole morning Mrs. Oleson taught the students in history and math. Laura tried her best to pay attention to the lessons, but she couldn't concentrate. Too many things were on her mind, and so she was glad when recess began. She sat down on a trunk far away from the other kids, because she wanted to be alone. Wistfully, she glanced over to the Feed & Seed. Why couldn't Almanzo be there? She closed her eyes and tried to picture him. His sparkling blue eyes, his blond hair and his mischievous smile. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice the boy who suddenly sat down next to her.

"Hey Laura," Bartholomew jolted Laura out of her daydreams.

Laura couldn't believe her eyes. "What do you want?" she looked at him angrily. Bartholomew was the last person on earth she wanted to spend time with.

"I thought you might like some company," he grinned at her.

"No," her voice was sharp. "Go away and let me alone." Anger was rising inside of her.

"Come on, you can have one of my sandwiches," Bartholomew opened his lunch pail.

"I said, let me alone," Laura got up and yelled at him. "I don't wanna spend time with you. I don't wanna eat your sandwiches. I hate you and I don't wanna see you ever again."

"You don't have to," Bartholomew said angrily. "Just two more weeks at school and then I'll start working at my father's farm."

"What?" Laura couldn't believe his words. "You won't continue school?"

"No, I won't," Bartholomew told her. "My mother allows me to work with my father."

"But...," Laura was speechless. "Miss Wilder left Walnut Grove just because of your misbehavior at school," her voice was shaking.

"Who cares?" he laughed sardonically. "Not my problem."

For a moment Laura was too shocked to say or to do something, but then she got furious. Very furious. Without thinking, she pushed her clenched fist right into Bartholomew's face and punched him as hard as she could.

Bartholomew fell over and groaned with pain. "Are you crazy?" he yelled at her.

Laura looked at him, her heart full of pain, anger and hate. She could hear the school bell ringing, but instead of returning to the classroom, she started running away.

In the evening Laura was lying in bed and waiting for her father. Charles was forced to attend a school board meeting, because Harriet Oleson had made clear that Laura wouldn't get away with her behavior. Of course, the teacher was standing behind Bartholomew Slater, and she demanded a hard punishment for the Ingalls girl. Laura knew that she shouldn't have punched Bartholomew, but she didn't regret. That boy made her so mad. She couldn't help it.

"Half-Pint?" Charles was climbing up into the loft.

"Yes," Laura answered silently.

"The meeting is over," he looked at his daughter with a serious expression on his face and sat down on the bed next to her.

Laura looked to the ground. She was ashamed that she had disappointed her father.

"The school board has decided that you are suspended from school for the rest of the school year," Charles said. "You are allowed to come back to school the last day to get your school certificate, but you have to apologize to Bartholomew in front of the whole class first." Even though he knew that Laura had done wrong, he somehow felt sorry for his daughter.

"No, Pa," Laura pleaded. "I can't apologize to him. I can't." She was ready to do almost everything, but the thought of apologizing to that bully boy in front of the whole class felt like a horrible nightmare.

"You can and you will," Charles' eyes were stern.

"But Pa," Laura said desperately.

"I'm not gonna discuss this with you, Half-Pint. You did a mistake and you will apologize," Charles yelled at Laura. It was hard for him to be so strict to his daughter. Laura wasn't the only person in this family who had a temper. Charles was the same, and he could remember very well how many times he had been in trouble because he had acted in haste. But there was no choice. Harriet Oleson had impended to suspend Laura from school forever. She definitely wouldn't change her mind. Besides that Charles felt that Laura had to learn a lesson. It was the right decision that she had to apologize.

"Yes, Sir," Laura answered silently, being aware that she had to accept the punishment.

"And you will study at home and help your Ma with the chores," Charles said strictly before he went downstairs again.

Laura tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, but the tears were running again. She wished so much she could tell Miss Wilder that Bartholomew would leave school, but it was too late. Just a few days ago she had left Walnut Grove together with Almanzo and they wouldn't come back.

Laura remembered her mother's words. She had told her that it was important to have faith, but at the moment Laura had no idea how to have faith. She had no hope and the pain in her heart was killing her. Slowly she buried her tear-streaked face in the white pillow and for the first time in her life she truly wished she would fell asleep and never wake up again...


End file.
